Considering how difficult it is for so many people to begin a relationship, there is little wonder why they find it difficult to call off the relationship after its commencement. People find it difficult to break-up relationships even when it becomes obvious and glaring that things are not right and marriage with each other will end up in either divorce or misery for one or both parties involved.

It has been observed over time that a lot of people who have been in relationships for 3 or more years find it difficult to break up even when things are obviously wrong. This is usually because they had been together for so long and they invariably think whatever has made it work for so long can sustain the relationship, some also tend to think that a lot of people already know about their relationship and hence, calling it off would draw a lot of unwelcome questions, raise a lot of eyebrows and attract unsolicited advice/ support.

Other people wonder “where they would begin another relationship”, whether a fresh relationship will not be a repeat of the previous one. Some are even deluded into thinking they might not find anyone as good as their preset “partner”. The reasons to remain in an unwholesome relationship are endless. In spite of this array of excuses, I’d like to state that; “WHEN IT’S TIME TO BREAK-UP, BREAKING-UP IS WORTH IT!”

There is something about breaking-up though that makes it kind of scary – The after effect. Sometimes it leaves the two parties wondering what went wrong, so much that they are willing to do anything to vindicate themselves, just to make certain that whatever happened wasn’t their fault. So, in the name of justifying their failed relationship, they jump into another one. Some on the other hand don’t want to have anything serious to do with the opposite sex anymore. They practically say goodbye to any serious relationships in their lives. While some will still play around ‘having fun’, others will stay away completely.

For people who have had a break up or more, this is to let you know that no matter how painful it may seem now, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. For those who are about to take the step and are scared of the repercussion, let’s go through these steps together.

1. Know that it is time to quit deceiving yourself. Simply put an end to it

When things go wrong/ issues arise in your relationship, my advice is that you try everything ideally possible to make it work; talk about it, seek advice from trusted friends and superiors; in fact go for counseling if you must, it’s worth every bit of your effort. If after all you have done it still isn’t getting you anywhere, then know it’s definitely time for a break-up.

1. Take time out alone.

Cry if you have to but do take time to sort yourself out. Understand that when things like this happen it is only human to feel hurt and down emotionally. There’s no reason to feel ashamed, don’t put the blame on anyone or yourself. It’s time to let-go.

1. Find out what went wrong.

Think about the reasons for the failed relationship then take time to work on yourself to make a better you for whoever will be fortunate enough to have you in future. Find out those things your partner did that you couldn’t live with and watch out for them in subsequent “intended” relationships. Find out the things you need to work on personally and work on those things in your life. A wise man once said, ‘likes beget likes’ relationship is not just about finding the right person, it’s also about being the right person.

1. Get close to God.

This is the time you need a true friend most and God is one who is always there. Trust me; His advice is one you don’t want to do without. For those who believe in God, I know it’s not just in hard times you are supposed to get close to God but I also know that at those times He’ll not leave nor forsake you.

1. Forgive.

There’s something about forgiveness that makes you set someone free and you’d discover that the person was you. Whatever grievances that you may have against your partner and anyone else involved in the failed relationship, you would be doing yourself a favor by letting-go/forgiving.

1. Stay with Godly friends they help you not to feel alone.

Godly friends will give you wise counsels and help you forget your pains faster. They can also help take the lonely feeling away. Your close friends at this time will go a long way to help you gain your confidence back.

1. Start-over.

After you have been able to talk about your failed relationship without bitterness attached, then you are ready to start-over. When you can look back and thank God it all ended when it did then it is sure you will not compare the next person to the person you were dating, you will see them differently and appreciate what you have.

Next time you think of break-up (whether involving you or your loved one) have it at the back of your mind that though it’s not the best thing to happen to any relationship, it is also not the worst thing ever. There are some good attached to it when it’s worth it. My advice therefore, follow the basic BLS principles; Break-up, Let-go & Start-over.