If you do as much as look at the opposite sex lustfull, you have sinned.

If looking lustfully is a sin then in what category do we put romance?

Kissing, caressing, etc

Someone called it outtercourse (intercourse)

What do you call it and what is the right way to view this?

Please post your comments as you will be helping a lot of people who want to know if they have been sinning all the while thinking “at least i haven’t had sex”. Or maybe it’s no sin and iv been killing myself trying to restrain.

God bless you all.

Okay

This is what I call painting the town RED.

Let me start by letting you know that to me Vals is like any other day at least until now.LOL

Things has started happening all around me since 12th. people giving pre vals eve presents and then yesterday again we started seeing pre vals gifts flying about in the office. I was waiting for today to come so I’ll see what these set of people have in store. (hope the next gift wont be pregnancy). lol

Coming to the office today Someone already bought cake for the staffs (at least those of us without a val will not miss much). lol

Jokes apart now is this how vals should be spent?

Is this the whole essence of Valentine? Wearing RED, receiving and giving cake/gifts, impregnating,……………?

How exactly should Vals be spent?

From my own point of view, I think the first thing we are meant to do is give thanks to that one person who holds life and has thus far given it to us as a gift. It should be a time to reflect on God’s love for us and though we cant pay Him back, we can do the least he asks of us; Love Him Back. Give our lives to him fully.

Until we are able to love God, and love others, we may not be able to receive/experience love in its fullest.

We can then begin to show our love in many ways than one that is MORALLY RIGHT to those we love. not necessarily to the opposite sex. Could even be a friend or a neighbour. In essence, their shouldn’t be anyone today without a VAL.

I started my day giving someone something today no matter how small. Fact is I haven’t even seen my fiancee today and I’m not sure I will.(to me vals is everyday).

Beware of those who will want to get you to bed with them today all in the name of love.

While in the love mood today let’s take time to read and apply 1Corinthians 13 and I can assure you that in the process you will be killing two birds with one stone(showing love to God and everyone that is dear to you).

If you are out their and you still dont have a val, you are welcome to be part of my day today, I LOVE YOU ALL.

Have a wonderful and fun filled day.

Cheers

Okay.

This is what I call painting the town RED.

Let me start by letting you know that to me Vals is like any other day at least until now.LOL

Things has started happening all around me since 12th. people giving pre vals eve presents and then yesterday again we started seeing pre vals gifts flying about in the office. I was waiting for today to come so I’ll see what these set of people have in store. (hope the next gift wont be pregnancy). lol

Coming to the office today Someone already bought cake for the staffs (at least those of us without a val will not miss much). lol

Jokes apart now is this how vals should be spent?

Is this the whole essence of Valentine? Wearing RED, receiving and giving cake/gifts, impregnating,……………?

How exactly should Vals be spent?

From my own point of view, I think the first thing we are meant to do is give thanks to that one person who holds life and has thus far given it to us as a gift. It should be a time to reflect on God’s love for us and though we cant pay Him back, we can do the least he asks of us; Love Him Back. Give our lives to him fully.

Until we are able to love God, and love others, we may not be able to receive/experience love in its fullest.

We can then begin to show our love in many ways than one that is MORALLY RIGHT to those we love. not necessarily to the opposite sex. Could even be a friend or a neighbour. In essence, their shouldn’t be anyone today without a VAL.

I started my day giving someone something today no matter how small. Fact is I haven’t even seen my fiancee today and I’m not sure I will.(to me vals is everyday).

Beware of those who will want to get you to bed with them today all in the name of love.

While in the love mood today let’s take time to read and apply 1Corinthians 13 and I can assure you that in the process you will be killing two birds with one stone(showing love to God and everyone that is dear to you).

If you are out their and you still dont have a val, you are welcome to be part of my day today, I LOVE YOU ALL.

Have a wonderful and fun filled day.

Cheers

Okay.

Another thing that makes numbers especially age annoying is that it is brought again into personal decisions in life such as relationships.

Things happen that make you wonder what exactly should matter in a relationship. I’ll take a little time to tell of something that happened recently that left a friend devastated all in the name of age.

It all started when she was in year 1 in the University; Bimpe met her boyfriend in school, he was in 200level reading Economics while she was in 100level studying accounting. Their case was not as some cases of ‘love at first sight’. These love birds took time to build their love on God and trust. They had their good and bad times but in all they were the envy of a lot of people. After a year of assuming each other’s age since Bimpe looked too young for age to be a problem, it was Chidi’s birthday, which was when it dawned on her to ask his age; lo and behold, she found out that her lovely matured Chidi is actually a year and 3 months younger than her. At first she said nothing until she began to see every little thing as immature. Then she started seeking advice from her friends who told her not to give up her relationship because of their age difference. Things went well from then. Chidi was able to handle things well and life went on fine for them.

Bimpe got to 400level and decided to introduce Chidi to her folks and vice versa and that was the beginning of their problems. Chidi’s parents were wondering if there was nobody in the school younger than their son. They started putting pressure on him telling him that Bimpe will soon start hurrying him up for marriage. They went on and on with different reasons why he shouldn’t marry someone older than he is. They told him she would not be submissive, that he would not be able to control her, e.t.c. As Chidi is the first born in his family, they were sure to make an issue out of it. At first, Chidi turned deaf ears to all the advice but after Bimpe finished school and wanted to go for service, he started having a rethink on his relationship. Left alone, he started seeing reason into what his family had been saying, he counted the number of years he had before he would be ready for marriage and decided he wouldn’t be able to take the pressure and as he said, he didn’t want to be the cause of Bimpe’s ‘late marriage’.

Bimpe’s family had a different story to tell when they found out that age difference was not her problem, they started on ethnic differences but to all of these, she turned deaf ears.

During service one day she just got a letter from Chidi saying he was sorry he had realized late how so unrealistic their relationship was and that though painful, he had to put an end to it and allow her to find someone else who would want to settle down with her on time as he is not ready for marriage in the next 5years.

Eventually, they broke up after much thought but to say they didn’t love each other would have been a lie. It was more of family influence on both sides just because of that simple thing called age.

So many questions to ask, so many other troubling things age difference has caused for relationships. I would love from here to hear from my readers’ successes and failures that they know of with issues like this and to please help me answer some of these questions my people ask.

What the big deal is marring an older woman?

How am I supposed to handle a situation like this when am being pressured at home?

Should age be a determining factor just like blood type is?

What are the things I should look out for when I find myself dating a younger man or an older lady as the case may be if I will end up having a blissful home?

All these are questions going through the minds of people all over the world facing situations like these and sincerely, I don’t want to be the only one answering these questions that is why I am putting it out to all my readers to help solve this age long problem of marring an older man being a tradition. The other issue of ethnic differences will be addressed in other editions.

Is it a taboo’? Please send your answers as comments on this blog, you will be helping more than a life. Thank you.

It has been observed over time that a lot of people who have been in relationships for 3 or more years find it difficult to break up even when things are obviously wrong. This is usually because they had been together for so long and they invariably think whatever has made it work for so long can sustain the relationship, some also tend to think that a lot of people already know about their relationship and hence, calling it off would draw a lot of unwelcome questions, raise a lot of eyebrows and attract unsolicited advice/ support.

Other people wonder “where they would begin another relationship”, whether a fresh relationship will not be a repeat of the previous one. Some are even deluded into thinking they might not find anyone as good as their preset “partner”. The reasons to remain in an unwholesome relationship are endless. In spite of this array of excuses, I’d like to state that; “WHEN IT’S TIME TO BREAK-UP, BREAKING-UP IS WORTH IT!”

There is something about breaking-up though that makes it kind of scary – The after effect. Sometimes it leaves the two parties wondering what went wrong, so much that they are willing to do anything to vindicate themselves, just to make certain that whatever happened wasn’t their fault. So, in the name of justifying their failed relationship, they jump into another one. Some on the other hand don’t want to have anything serious to do with the opposite sex anymore. They practically say goodbye to any serious relationships in their lives. While some will still play around ‘having fun’, others will stay away completely.

For people who have had a break up or more, this is to let you know that no matter how painful it may seem now, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. For those who are about to take the step and are scared of the repercussion, let’s go through these steps together.

1. Know that it is time to quit deceiving yourself. Simply put an end to it

When things go wrong/ issues arise in your relationship, my advice is that you try everything ideally possible to make it work; talk about it, seek advice from trusted friends and superiors; in fact go for counseling if you must, it’s worth every bit of your effort. If after all you have done it still isn’t getting you anywhere, then know it’s definitely time for a break-up.

1. Take time out alone.

Cry if you have to but do take time to sort yourself out. Understand that when things like this happen it is only human to feel hurt and down emotionally. There’s no reason to feel ashamed, don’t put the blame on anyone or yourself. It’s time to let-go.

1. Find out what went wrong.

Think about the reasons for the failed relationship then take time to work on yourself to make a better you for whoever will be fortunate enough to have you in future. Find out those things your partner did that you couldn’t live with and watch out for them in subsequent “intended” relationships. Find out the things you need to work on personally and work on those things in your life. A wise man once said, ‘likes beget likes’ relationship is not just about finding the right person, it’s also about being the right person.

1. Get close to God.

This is the time you need a true friend most and God is one who is always there. Trust me; His advice is one you don’t want to do without. For those who believe in God, I know it’s not just in hard times you are supposed to get close to God but I also know that at those times He’ll not leave nor forsake you.

1. Forgive.

There’s something about forgiveness that makes you set someone free and you’d discover that the person was you. Whatever grievances that you may have against your partner and anyone else involved in the failed relationship, you would be doing yourself a favor by letting-go/forgiving.

1. Stay with Godly friends they help you not to feel alone.

Godly friends will give you wise counsels and help you forget your pains faster. They can also help take the lonely feeling away. Your close friends at this time will go a long way to help you gain your confidence back.

1. Start-over.

After you have been able to talk about your failed relationship without bitterness attached, then you are ready to start-over. When you can look back and thank God it all ended when it did then it is sure you will not compare the next person to the person you were dating, you will see them differently and appreciate what you have.

Next time you think of break-up (whether involving you or your loved one) have it at the back of your mind that though it’s not the best thing to happen to any relationship, it is also not the worst thing ever. There are some good attached to it when it’s worth it. My advice therefore, follow the basic BLS principles; Break-up, Let-go & Start-over.

It’s about a Nigerian and an American that were traveling on a plane. Both of them were sitting together during the trip though they both did not know each other. The Nigerian just wanted to have a peaceful sleep till he got to his destination as he was tired from the days work. On the other side, the American was bored and wanted to have some fun. Here is the conversation between the two:

American: Hi

Nigerian: Hello

American: can we play a game? I’m kind of bored

Nigerian: nope I need to sleep.

After a little while, the American wakes the Nigerian man.

American: Sorry to disturb you, it’s only a small game we will soon finish and then you can sleep.

Nigerian: Will you stop disturbing me I said No(a little angry already)

The American leaves him alone for a while then wakes him up again.

Nigerian: what now?

American: you can make money through the game.

The Nigerian waits to hear what he has to say.

Nigerian: how?

American: if I ask you a question and you miss it or you don’t know it, you give me $10 and on the other hand if I loose I give you $50.

Nigerian: No way if you ask and i don’t get it right I give $10 but if I ask and you don’t get it right, you give me $100.

American: thats not fair. (the Nigerian turns to sleep back).

American: ok let’s play.

Nigerian: shoot (you first)

American: Who holds the world record for volleyball currently.

Nigerian: I don’t know (he immediately puts his hand in his pocket and brings out the $10).

American: Now your turn (all smiles)

Nigerian: What goes up a mountain with 4 legs and comes down with 3.

The American searches every encyclopedias he knows, searches through his laptop, calls friends to find out, all to no avail. He quits.

American: Wow that was brilliant don’t know it (gives the Nigerian his $100)

Nigerian: thanks ( turns back to sleep).

American: Wow wow wow wait a minute whats the answer to your question?

Nigerian: smiles(puts his hand in his pocket and gives him another $10) and goes back to sleep.

He wasn’t disturbed again after then until they got to their destination.

Here is what I wish you and myself  for this month:

A joyful new song
Mouth filled with testimonies

hands to lift others up

Steps ordered by God

Accomplishment like never before

A purpose/passion for life and

Strength to achieve your God given dream.

The past years and months are the least we will ever have, we are the only limitation to where we want to be.

Once we can visualize our goal, the other thing to conquer is self. Self discipline, Self development, Self appraisal …….

I hope this month will be a better one to improve on all areas of our lives in order to achieve our desired goals for the year.

1 month down, 11 more to go and we will be singing a new year song again.

Make it count.

God bless you all.

Okay

Jim was standing in line at the supermarket checkout when, to his amazement, in charged an angry, aggressive man, with his browbeaten wife in tow, pushing in line ahead of Jim and several other customers. With a forty pound (twenty-kilogram) sack of flour slung over his shoulder. Handing his wife some money, he growled: “Here, you pay for the stuff.” He then proceeded to stomp off with his bag of flour.

Unknown to him, there was a hole in the back of the flour bag. As he stormed out of the supermarket, he left behind a trail of white flour all the way to his car. As Jim walked out of the store, he noticed that the angry man had just discovered his now half-empty sack of flour. Poetic justice one might suggest!

What makes people like this man so obnoxious? Among other possibilities, he undoubtedly has a very poor self-image. The bottom line is that these people don’t feel loved. That’s why his wife was such a wimp, too. People who strongly dislike themselves tend to either become weak, passive and over-compliant and withdraw, or project their self-hatred onto the people around them by being aggressive and bullying. Because they don’t like themselves, they believe others don’t like them either and set themselves up to be rejected.

To overcome a poor self-image and the lack of a healthy sense of self-acceptance doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, commitment, and risk taking.

More often than not insecurity and a poor self-image has its roots in early childhood where one didn’t receive or feel that he received unconditional love. But here’s the challenge: What we didn’t receive in childhood we need to receive now.

And how do we do that? It’s simple but not easy. It’s based on a biblical principle in that, “We love God because He first loved us.” In other words (spiritually speaking) we learned to love God through his love for us in that he knows us fully—warts and all—and loves us regardless … unconditionally.

The same principle applies emotionally. To truly love others we need to be first loved by at least one safe, understanding, and non-judgmental person. To be loved by that person we need to be fully known by him or her—warts and all—and knowing us as we truly are, they love us unconditionally anyhow. It is through their unconditional love for us that we learn (in time) to love and accept ourselves in a healthy way.

Like I said, it is simple but not easy in that it can be very scary because we fear that if we are fully know for whom we really are, we may not be liked and then rejected. However, it is only as we take the risk and step out of our comfort zone that we have any chance of learning how to fully love and accept ourselves in a healthy way. The more we do this the more we will improve our self-image, and consequently, the less we will get our feelings hurt and the easier it will be to deal with whatever setbacks come our way. We may still get our feelings hurt but we won’t be devastated.

Love you all.

Okay

For instance, I take a walk on a major road and I see beautiful ladies whose teeth cant stay within the lips. I’m not making fun of anyone it is a major problem. I also look ahead and there is this guy walking towards me with a hunch on his back.( an artificial one), after a walk a little longer, I witness a conversation and the only thing i hear repeatedly is “sebi”, etc.

When I see this set of people, I wonder what went wrong. Didn’t anybody ever see them to correct them when they were growing up? or were they just left untold so they wouldn’t get hurt? I feel sorry for them. Especially those who the habit has left major consequences on. It is sometimes very difficult to reverse some of them.

Dont be discouraged though, if you find yourself in this condition there could still be a remedy if you seek professional advice. For those of us who are just developing the habit or are already used to doing them, ill say that there is nothing learnt that cannot be unlearned. A conscious effort on your part and a constant reminder when you go back to it will do you a whole lot of good.

Any change that will occur has to have been settled in the mind. Nail bitting, feet dragging, loud chewing, public picking of nose, closing your mouth, walking all bent (bouncing), even using of some particular words frequently during conversation, etc. Can all be stopped if we make the effort.

So whenever you find a loved one doing things that could give regrettable consequences later in future, or could damage the persons reputation, please make sure that you let him/her know why you are correcting them. Also, when you find a toddler sucking his/her lips or chewing his/her tongue or opening his/her mouth unconsciously, please correct them there and then so they know what they did wrong even if they cry, they will thank you for it later in their life.

Love you all

Okay.

Where? u say.

In a position where you find yourself wondering, “who cares anyway”, “no one will bother”, “I don’t fit in” or “they wont accept me in there click”. These are some of the thoughts that has at one time or the other run through our minds. We find ourselves yarning to feel a sense of belonging among our friends, in the family and in some of the social gatherings we would love to find ourselves.

The most concerning of all these is when we don’t feel loved even in our homes. Its more difficult when we feel that people around us everyday don’t care about how we feel, when our siblings pair themselves and it looks like they just gang up against us. To make matters worse, our parents who we think should bother, go out all day only to come back at night feeling all grumpy and waiting to bark at the first person that gets their attention.

How do we deal with this?

If  you identify  with this  problem, place you comments and advises on so that we can learn from you.

God bless you

Okay